Some of my favorites:
- 10. Despite a high ratio of female clientele, an insouciant way with fried mozzarella, and their prevalence in resort towns, establishments where a waitress pours shots into your mouth from a bottle she holsters in a bandolier are fraught with peril.
- 14. Adopt a favorite cocktail on a seasonal basis.
- 18. Instead of ordering a shot of After Shock to cap off the evening, one could just walk calmly into the street, lie down, and wait.
- 26. Avoid bars that use plastic cups, bars whose bathrooms consist solely of a trough-style urinal, bars with chicken wire protecting the band, bars where Patrick Swayze is the bouncer.
- 39. Don’t call the bartender Barkeep, Chief, Buddy, or Ace, unless his actual name, in fact, is Barkeep, Chief, Buddy, or Ace.
- 69. When all else fails, have a Martini.